What lies within..may be beyond your understanding

Panorama - Granville Boatyard

2007-10-01T23:05:00.000-07:00

For Diva, we had to do a panorama and I did mine on the boatyard at granville island. I liked that palce as it was pretty much serene and I could go there to chill out and just look at boats. Boats are one of my favourites besides cars and animals. It was pretty difficult getting the panorama to look perfect without any seams as the masks were really annoying because they were not straight. The shadows was another difficult part to get done. The sky was one of the easier parts as when i took the picture they were bright and the gradient was evenly spread out. The worst part of the whole panorama to execute was the floor as there was tiling and to blend it was hell. A lot of it became smudgy. Overall I was pretty happy with the outcome. The actual reason why I wanted to use th boatyard was because i wanted to annoy my uncle as back home in Singapore, you cannot find a nice boatyard with so many boats. We do not have THAT much space in Singapore. He is crazy about boats and fishing. This will be his christmas present. Totally personalised by me.

Hmm...this is not the correct color but it looks pretty nice this way. So I shall leave it as it is. If you wanna see the actual one..you can ask me for it... don't know why the blog is giving me hell for a straight 9 hours. Well at least it is up now.

Paul Wong

2007-09-28T02:40:00.000-07:00

After FVIM class, i stayed in school to get some work done and waited for Kath to finish some video shoot with her group. While waiting, I was contemplating on whether to go for the Paul Wong talk as it was held quite late in the evening and I had no idea where that place was. When she was done, we decided that we should just go for it. So Kath came over to my place for dinner which my Aunt cooked and then we made our way down.

It was so god damn cold out there. We then went in and was invited to join this group of people in this room called "Paul's Group" We talked to a few people. Namely Brian, Corey, Michael Turner (Camilla Pickard's Lecturer) and Paul Wong himself. He is really eccentric. We then went in to watch his shorts and then he answered some question and after a short break, we watched some shorts made by normal people who submitted their films in for viewing.

Most of them were okay but about 2 or 3 were pretty bad especially this one that had a 3 to 4 minute footage of drapery. There were 3 that I really liked. One was on some voice and leveling thing, one was about this girl's family history and the last one was done using a cctv camera. Beautiful effect. I think i will go and get one of my own. I would say that Paul Wong's works are pretty daring and experimental and he focuses on the issues at hand which i find it a very good thing. One of his videos was considerably taboo but apparently, he likes to take risks...salute him.

After that we stayed back for a while and i asked him a few questions personally and we chatted for a while before we left. And one thing i learnt from tonight...Bus number 84 stops running at 9.30 on Saturdays.

Vintage Car show at Langley

2007-09-08T18:23:00.000-07:00

It seems like Langley is a pretty happening place. First the art fair, then the filming and now a vintage car show. I was invited by my uncle to go over to have a look. Being a new driver...still under probation that is, i am sort of in love with cars. I love speeding/cruising down the highway with the window wound down and the radio blasting. The cars were so pretty...some were for sale and I was very tempted to call home and whine to my dad to get me one. But then again...the maintenance would have killed me before old age or illness...lol....there was a viper...yes i know that is not a vintage...but it is still pretty...it was kinda sad that there were no lamborghini though...or maybe i was blind...hmm...

SUPERNATURAL

2007-08-23T22:47:00.000-07:00

I went to my uncle's place the day before to stay over so that i could wake up early to watch the crew from SUPERNATURAL to set up the shop and street. They turned an innocent lookin Langley into some sleaze street. My uncle's shop became a tattoo and piercing shop. The shop selling vitamins next door became some lingerie store and above us...they hung neon signs showing lounges and what nots. I spoke to one of the crew members. If i am not wrong he is in set design. He was from Emily Carr and was from the philipines.

Later on more trucks and trailers came. They were parked behind my uncle's shop. As i was waiting in front of the shop, I got acquainted with the barber shop owner's daughter. We went over to the cafe as we knew they were gonna start filming over there. As i was thirsty, I went into the cafe to get a coffee. Inside, I saw the major film equipment. The camera was a beaut. There i got to speak with another crew member and he introduced me to other. The sound department and the lighting department. One of the gaffer lighting guys gave me his email and said i could contact him for contacts.

As soon as they finished filmin the first scene, they moved across the street to film on the other side. They kept having to do so many retakes. Once it was because Jared Padalacki dropped the bag...and mind you, I have no idea how he did that as i saw him catch it. When they were taking a break or at least i thought they were, i did sumthing that i might have regretted doing. I went to have a sneak peek behing near the alley where the Mexican restaurant was. There, i got acquainted with a few guys working in the restaurant and one of them got me in. It was then that i saw Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalacki up close.

Unfortunately, i was not allowed to take pics as the security was tight. They were going to move some props so we had to move outside. As we were chatting outside, I got to ask a PA about how she got the job and stuff and what were her responsibilities. Then she suggested that she would try to get a gd pic of them for me. So passed her my camera and was waiting for her to snap a pic and pass me back the camera. After a long while, she came out and gave me the thumbs up and told me to go in.

Jared and Jensen were so sweet...they actually bothered to formally introduce themselves. After the brief introduction, i took a pic with them...yes i did...cousins...you can all kill me now...I will die a happy woman. Anyway, I then went back to the shop to show the pic to my uncle and aunt.

As we were about to head home, the manager came to speak to my uncle and then asked me for my address so that he could send me something with their autograph on it. One of the other PAs was so happy for me...she hugged me and suggested that i should have a can of beer before bed incase i could not slp...

That was the end of one exciting day...it was for me at least...heex

Art fair in Langley

2007-08-18T23:39:00.000-07:00

My 2 aunties and my uncle left for the shop at 8.30 and i was allowed to sleep in and go down with my cousin and his gf. They got up to go jogging which i obviously did not join them in as i hate running and i dun have any weight to lose just as yet. So i stayed at home and played with lucky.
At about 10+ 11, we made out way down to the shop. My uncle's shop sold pretty cool stuff like replicas of the terracota warriors and fossils of dinosaur eggs and and squids. There was an arts fair and it was an eye opener. There were so many beautiful things onsale. From paintings to bags to accessories. There were so many pooches there as well. It was heaven for me. There was also a few stages where people performed. There was belly dancing and music. Hotdogs and burgers were on sale and I had a burger for lunch. It was kinda big but i finished it. I also helped my aunt and uncle do some advertising by walking up and down the street wearing a scarf and carrying an umbrella from their shop. A waitress, Annete from the restaurant we had dinner at actually came as promised. My auntie also have me a pair of earrings anda pendant from her shop.
There was face painting and a magician and there was this booth selling princess tiaras. I was so tempted to get one for fun but then again, i could make it myself.There was also a chalk drawing competition for kids. I hung out at this native shop for a while and the owner happened to know my uncle. He explained a lot about totem poles and moon bouncers and sissityl (howeva you spell it) thingy. It was pretty cool. It had a happy face and welcoming hand in the middle and had 2 serpents at the side. Apparently that was to protect your home or something. I also learned that the poppy plant was also known as the flower of tears due to the pain it caused due to heroine and opium.I love that place. Gonna get some stuff from there one day.
I then went back to the shop to join the rest and then took lucky for a walky. I was told that she does not pee and crap in the afternoon but oh well, she did. She peed a few times..and mind you..she really peed...not the kind to just mark her spot.She then dragged me to a grassy patched and then stooped in a weird position and pooped! I had no plastic bag on me. Thankfully, this lady nearby saw and passed me a plastiic bag. she was a life saver. I then went back to the shop and soon followed the couple to go on their computer game console hunt. Before we started the hunt, we went to tim hortons to get a bite. The hazelnut cuppacino with chocolate drizzle was damn good. We then went from store to store and finally found it at superstore. We finally found the legendary Nintendo Wii. We were so happy...although i dunno y i was happy also. I also bought a pair of shades.
We went back to the shop to pick up lucky and went back home to wait for the rest before we handed back to granville to have dinner at Afghan Horsemen Restaurant. The lamb was nice.the eggplant and the rice was really good too. Th ambience there was relaxing and comfortable. After dinner, I went for my freshies 2007 gathering. Surprisingly many of them turned up.
We walked to a petrol kiosk to get some wood and marshmallows and then headed down to the beach. It was helluva long walk. But talking with my new friends made it shorter and less tiring. We set up a bonfire and toasted marshmellows. We talked and took pictures as well. A few of them then walked me back to granville island so that my auntie could pick me up and head back to langley.
We reached home at abt 12 and we started playing Wii. It was damn cool. The remotes were wireless and it follows your movement. I so wanna get one. We played bowling and tennis. But soon after, i was getting atad tired and decided to go to bed. The moment my head hit the pillow, i was gone.

Day 2 at our apartment

2007-08-18T22:41:00.000-07:00

Auntie and I had planned to walk to Granville Island so that I would know where my school is. We planned to wake up early but not as early as expected. For some reason, I thought the building was going to collapse. There was this really loud drilling sound that happened twice. And during the first time i heard the sound, I heard a woman screaming as well. After clarifying, I found out that it was the garage door that caused the sound. As for the screaming lady, it took half a day for me to find out what caused that. Wanna know what it was??? well, it was some weird sound coming from a stupid bird...a seagull. Yes finally in my life, i get to see seagulls. At first i thought they were some soft toys hanging aroung. Later on, i realise that they were moving...i had a shock of my life.
After getting ready, we walked to granville island. It was not a long walk, neither a short one. As the weather was cool, it was not so bad to walk out so far. When we got there, I was amazed at the place. There was the Public market which sold extremely fresh meat, fish, veg and fruit. They all looked soooo good i was tempted to buy. There was also a wide variety of food to choose from. There was also the farmer's market. People set up stalls there and the veg there is really fresh as well. I saw this black poodle there. and when i say poodle, i dun mean small toy poodle that can be carried around. This one was HUGE! It looked like one posh bitch. It had cosmetic jewellery on..my gawd. Ok that's besides the point but hell..that was one not very cute poodle in my opinion.
Leavin granville island, we went down to robson street to get the cable box and then went to a place near chinatown called T&T to buy asian goods like oyster flavoured sauce and some other groceries. Auntie wanted to get a place near there but was advised against it as there was a park nearby and at night, a lot of drunks and homeless people gather there. Carrying our loot, we walked to the bus stop and wait for bus number 50. The bus tickets there are like 2.35 for 2 hours. We saw the bus coming and we picked up our bags. The moment we picked our bags, we turned around and saw the bus leave. It was sooooo embarrassing. Aparrently we were standing at the wrong place and the bus was running late on it's schedule. So never mind, we waited for the next one which took us back home.
Then came hell. Having called SHAW before we left for granville, we had already set up an appointment with them to come over and fix up the internet on wed 22 aug. and because of my auntie wanted the CNBC channel, we had gone to buy the cable setup box. We called them again and the ding dong battle began. We were told to call back to activate the box but the person said that we had to get authorization from the landlady and so we called her and she called them. The landlady later called us and said that they told her that we could charge the xtra channel with my internet account. So we called them again...mind you...there was a long waiting time each time we called. anyway, someone by the name of Tai picked up and said we could not do so as the cable is cable and internet is internet. So we called the landlady again and she called them to give them the serial number but she did not know where we had bought the box and therefore it could not be activated. We called them again to check if it had been activated and coincidentally, the lady who picked up had just gotten off the phone with out landlady and so we gave her all he info she needed. Then she tried to activate it and said there was a weak signal and got a technician to help us. After a long time and my squeezing in and out from behing the tv cupboard a few million times, auntie pulled and dropped the phone and the line got disconnected. We called again and this time we got a guy called Bobby and he settle everything with the account for us. Apparently, because of the appt we had fixed, we could not get the immediate order to get the cable done. He sent a signal to turn the box off and then turned it on which was supposed to take one hour max.
Auntie and I decided to cook and have dinner which was 2 chicken thighs and chai sim...one whole packet of it. Not bad actually...between us, our meal cost only 2.50. After dinner, we called them again. Finally we got someone who could help us. i swopped cables again and we finally was able to get the cable. The problem was with the stupid remote control. It was not the JVC remote control and therefore it was not on channel 3. So we got cable to watch finally but i was too tired and went to bed. It was a tiring day.

The cousin i never knew i had

2007-08-17T22:42:00.002-07:00

Surprisingly...this mornin, i was not woken up by any sound coming from the garage so i was able to sleep til 9am. After breakfast, we went to london drugs to get some detergent, the computer fan and some other stuff. After that, we went home to do some laundry. I tell you..the washing machine is one of those old types where there is this pole in the middle and you have to pull and turn the knob to the setting you want and then push it in to start. The dryer was even worse as it was placed higher. The knob was so weird. We had a hard time figuring out how to use it. But we found out that to stop it, you just had to open the door...LOL...
We then had some rest before my cousin and his girlfriend came to pick us up. I finally got to see the cousin that i never knew i had for 20 years. He was nice. His gf was Taiwanese and she mainly spoke chinese which was a slight problem for me. We then took an hour drive down to Surrey for dinner and to meet my uncle and auntie. We had dinner at this Italian restaurant which was called olive garden. The soup was awesome and the main was kinda huge and we had to doggy bag it. The bread was damn good. We packed that for the next day's breakfast. When we got home, they gave me a tour of the house and i had a whole room to myself. It was a big room. My cousin's room was in the basement and i was invited to join them downstairs and we watched the simpsons the movie. We talked and i was finally able to access the internet. I was also told that the filming that i was going to watch next thurs was for the TV series Supernatural. I was so damn excited and happy. Might get to see the 2 cute brothers or at least one. The movie ended at about 1.45 and i went to bed at 2. Oh and did i mention? They have a dog. It is a schnauzer and her name is LUCKY.

The cousin i never knew i had

2007-08-17T22:42:00.000-07:00

Off to Vancouver

2007-08-15T22:39:00.000-07:00

Had a good night's rest but hell..i have no idea why i woke up so early!!! I woke up once at 5 and then again at 6. When i woke up a third time at 6.30, i totally gave up on going back to bed and hoping to sleep in. We then went down for breakfast. It was a buffet breakfast as usual but it did not have much variety. they had porridge with lil side dishes, fried rice, fried bee hoon and western breakfast consisting of toast, ham and eggs...at least that is what i remember. We then went up to check our bags and make sure that we did not leave anything behind and then checked out of the room by 10.20am as our bus was arriving at 10.30am.
We got up the bus and we made our way to the airport. When we got there we went to the third level and went inside for lunch. Auntie had fish and rice while i had kong ba and rice. It was fabulous. The meat was very tender and the rice had some mince meat and sauce on it. It was satisfying. We then walked to our boarding gate which was helluva far away. After a while, we boarded the plane but we had to wait as it was a full flight and many had not gotten onto the plane yet. I had the window seat and there was a fantastic view. My Aunt sat in the middle and a Tainwanese guy sat next to her. The poor guy was on his way to the US and it was going to take him about 30 hours to get there as he could not get a direct flight. He was to go to some dessert area near the border of Mexico for some work assignment and can you believe it..he was to stay there for 3 months!!! in the dessert!!! I would so not wanna be in his shoes.
Unfortunately, it was an old plane and there was no screen directly in front of me. It was one with the huge screen which everyone shared. Therefore i had no choice but to do what i did best...SLEEP. i slept most of the time and when it was dinner time, they announced what was on the menu. There was the Eastern meal which was porridge and the western meal which was western...that was what they said. Well, it was pork and pasta. the pork was more like ham so it was a good thing for me.After about 9 hours or so, I could see snow capped mountains outside my window. We were nearing vancouver. Boy was I glad. At about 1.15pm, we arrived and we went on to queing to get out passports stamped. We had to get our luggage before we could proceed to the immigration side to get my student visa. It did not take long before we got everything settled. We walked out and the weather was fine. I was in a long sleeve top and jeans and it was cool but at times it was quite hot. We waited for a while before my Aunt's friends came in her red jeep to pick us up.
We then proceeded to Four Seasons Hotel to collect the keys to our apartment and went to the apartment to put our luggage. We then went down broadway to get my bank account opened and then went to a japanese restaurant for lunch. It was 9.95 for an all you can eat meal. We had loads of sashimi and sushi. I had my much needed miso soup and cha soba. We then headed back home. The apartment was beautifully furnished. We have cable!!! yay mi! There is a small kitchen and a dining area. There is the reasonably sized living room with one 3 seater sofa, one 2 seater sofa and another one seater. There is a fireplace which looks pretty real but apparently it runs on gas...LOL. I thought we had to go and chop wood once we used the one placed there. well it was just to make it look real. There is a small flight of stiars which leads to our rooms. I took the less grand room as it feels more free and easy and comfy. I have a preety big cupboard to store my clothes and i have a secretary table which resembles the rose wood one i used to have when i was a little gal staying in Tampines. I have a queen sized bed which I will have to share with my cousin when she gets here. Well I have the whole bed to myself til she gets here which is about 5 months later. We have 2 solariums in the house. One is sheltered and connected to my room and the other is outside in the hall. At night, I can look up and watch the star. It is beautiful as the skies are clear and there are hardly any clouds.
Having realised that we needed to buy some stuff and so we went to this place called super store to get them. When i reached there i felt as though i was in one of those hollywood movied where they have to go shopping at this real big supermart with a huge carpark. There there practically sold everything. It is like carrefour,giant or NTUC. I dunno why but to me that was heaven. Mum would have loved it. they have loads of things for baking. After shopping we went for a super late dinner at 10.30pm. We drove around bradway street and finally found a restaurant that was open. It was chinese. They had really good congee. We ordered side dishes like pork liver, beansprouts with silverfish and pig's blood with liver and stomach. It was real good and i swear that was totally comfort food.
After dinner, Auntie's fren sent us home where we practically changed and dropped dead.

Taipei

2007-08-14T22:45:00.000-07:00

After a 4 hour plus flight in which I watched a movie i long wanted to catch, 300, we finally reached Taipei. As I have never been to Taipei, I was surprised that the weather there was exactly like in Singapore. Over there, there was another cockup. As my Aunt had been there before, she told me that someone would be at the airport waiting for us with our names written on a piece of paper. But when we reached, we walked up and down twice only to find that there was no one there waiting for us. We went to the information counter and was told that we had to get a sticker badge and a slip to show that we were there for an overnight transit.
After waiting 20 mins or so, we boarded a bus to go to TaoYuan hotel. It was supposed to be 10 to 20 mins drive away but it was farther than expected. The bus was nice. the only problem with it was that the stairs were really steep to get to our seats but we had a nice view of things from up there. We passed many shops that had neon lights outside. They were places where one could go and chew somthing like beetle nut. Ladies dressed sexily would attract potential customers to buy them.
Soon we reached the hotel. It was a relief after a 4 hour flight. The hotel was old and tired but pretty decent. Our room was on the 11th floor, 1108. It smelled like one of those old changi chalets. I guess it was because the rooms were not occupied much. It was about 9 at that time and we were a lil hungry and therefore we decided to go out and get dinner. The streets were filled with food stalls and supermarts. Along one street, one could find 3 7-eleven shops and there were others just like them. The streets smelled alil like the gutter, it took me a while to get used to the smell. as i broke nail, we had to buy a pair of nail clippers to relieve me of my pain. It was hell.
We settled on eating beef noodles. It was heavenly. The noodles were a bit hard and starchy, but i like my noodles that way. The beef was real tender. It was scrumptious My Aunt had wonton noodles. The noodles were the same only thinner. The wonton skin was a lil thick but it was alright. The best was the dumpling. It was filled with meat and it had gu cai inside. My favourite. We then headed back to the hotel where she just relaxed and watched tv while i was playing around wif my new mp3/mp4 player.

Leaving the nest

2007-08-14T22:34:00.000-07:00

Leaving home was one of the hardest things i had to do. Almost the whole family was at the airport. My godbrother and godfather was there as well. 3 of my cousins left school early just to send me off and they are one of my closest cousins. Min being the eldest is the closest to me out of the 3 of them. I watched them grow up as i used to babysit them. We all cried despite all the laughter and the chitter chatter before the final 10 mins.
As we were about to leave and went in to check in, I was told by the lady at the counter that i had gotten the wrong boarding pass. It was for a Li Kewen going to kaohsiung. We were all baffled. I had to go out and get another boarding pass from the check in counter. The police did not even check that the name on my boarding pass and my passport matched.
After everything was done, we went to our boarding gate and left for Taipei.

Final goodbye...til next time....

2007-01-29T10:16:00.000-08:00

just got back from meera's place...hung out wif her and ed...it was fun...lotsa laughter...we chatted abt relationships and stuff...time warped back to secondary school days...in which i realise that meera has a very bad memory...she forgot we were in the same class in sec one...like omg...i could kill her...but that is what makes her so lovable and entertaining...heehee...that is y i love her...she can be so blur at times it is unbelievable..time few by and it was time to go...gonna miss the lil biatch...her nonsense and her laughter...my gossip kaki...we will keep that up via other means though...sighz...it was great having her back here...but she gotta go back and study... and go back to her mick...i dunno y...but these 2 mths have made me realise a lot of things...and i realise..who are my true frens...feelin kinda empty now... i just feel lost all of a sudden...but hopefully i will get back on track...hopefully i get to go to the institute i wanna go to...and then maybe everything will fall in place nicely..in fact now..i mite actually like someone but will see how it goes...haiz...Meera...y you gotta go back so soon man..but she is one fren i will keep for life...nuthin will tear us apart...if ya read this gal...i hope you feel the same way yea~ miss you love you...and thanks for standing by me no matter what...

New lease of Life

2007-01-26T09:39:00.000-08:00

It has been a great 2 months... Meera came back on the 1st of Dec and we have been hanging out pretty much...Met a few of her friends...Edwin and Brian were the main 2 that we hung out with more... we met one of Meera's frens...Sherrie or how ever you spell it not that i care..she is one person whom i found relli fake...but oh well..it takes many kinds of people to make up the world. Aniwaez..it was real fun hanging out. Introduced Joyce and Boon to them..and they got along pretty well...also met a 2 frens of Joyce's, Richmond and Cindy..they were pretty nice and Richmond was a real nice guy to hang wif...fullacrap..ahahaha...well...Meera will be heading back in 3 days...so sad...but we spent a lot of time together so it is ok...

went MOS, Indochine, Gardens (as usual), Fashion bar, kandi bar...new places and not that bad...past few months had been clubbin...Mambo, Phuture, Momo...and surprisingly i am learning to accept MOS. It has been a long time since i found good company besides my usual Boon and Amos...But i still need to satisfy my craving for KTV... It has been a rollercoaster ride...a good fren of mine was almost charged...and almost went to jail...cried the nite b4 he went to court...i waited for his call til i could not take it went to bed but sent him an sms which was alil too mushy...and for no reason i woke up at 10.30 and called him...i dun usually wake up so early...guess cos i was too worried..but luckily he is ok...but eversince he told mi he was ok..sadz..but is ok...on tues went to animal resort and need some photography with joyce...pics turned out pretty good but i intend to go sentosa and the zoo to do some shoots. wed we went for dinner at ichiban boshi and then went to watch pans labyrinth with Meera, Joyce, Edwin and Brian. Pretty weird show but alrite...was not very impressed. storyline was a but expected...but the animation was good. kuite impressed but the animation. Been hanging out wif Boon as well..at the tattoo shop..pretty fun wif his mentor richard...kuite fun hanging there....

That night...after the movie, Meera and the guys went to play games and Joyce and I went to mambo...and then the woman decided to go Phuture in which some guy was grinding up my ass...pretty annoying...so we left and tried velvet. pretty much more for chillin out...not many people...the dancefloor was just empty and we just did our thing...din care abt a single thing and just danced...then we went to sit down and rest...we saw this guy at the bar wif his frens..and Joyce thought he was cute so i actually went up to him and invited him over cos she wanted to know him...dunno where i got the guts from..totally was not me. while talking...one of the guy's frens came over to invite us over to their fren's place to chill and for the fun of it, we went along...it was then that i realised that i had many more years to go and i had a lot more things to do...everyone there was like...high up there...manager of a pub, regional director, director of some company, Scholar goin for his Phd and a lecturer...and i dun even have a degree yet...so denoralising. aniwae i was trying to leave Joyce and the guy alone...trying my very best. the other only female besides us was trying to matchmake him and mi...tsk tsk...was trying to side track her...give as many excuses as possible...after that we went for supper/breakfast and then we headed home to rest. but in the end...din rest much...and after 36 hours wifout slp..i deperately needed slp... finally slept at 4 am on friday mornin...and i slept til 4pm...and i am still tired...went for coffee wif meera and edwin and now i am home... gonna do some portfolio stuff and then goin to bed...talking to boon now...so gonna sign off...

LOST

2006-11-29T18:21:00.000-08:00

i have reached a point in my life where i dun seem to know what i am doing or where i am going. I seem to be so lost. i seem to have lost my aim, my goal, my focus. my plan was to make money and make it big and start slowing down by 40. but i guess i have to push my plans back. it seems as though everything has been taken away from me. my friends...who do i have left? meera, nicole, wilson, james(apparent bf), michael, amos and nicholas. But how long will they be there for me? it has been a while since i blogged and many things have happened. I have been played out god knows how many times by my own frens. I thank god that michael and wilson were there to support me all the way. michael alwez came with the soft approach and wilson was alwez harsh. now who is wilson? well he was a crush of mine for 4 years and we happen to get along pretty well...hurt him a few times by not trusting him and not heeding his advice and i am relli sorry i did not do as you advised me to. i was down and out and we do not noe each other for very long but why did you stand by me all the way...why did you not run when i told you i liked you? well whatever it is i thank god you stood by me to hit me with the harsh facts of reality. Michael...his joking ways...but he is alwez there to lend a listening ear...thanks...Nicole, my sweet baby sister...i have not told you a lot of things and i noe you have been disappointed with me for kuite a few things. I am sorry and i told you i quit. The reason why i have not been confiding in you is cos i noe you have your own problems at hand. life has not been fair to you either. I am glad you are with sumone you love. treasure him alrite? loving means you have to give in most of the time. if you are reading this...i do hope that you can spare some time for me as at this point of time i really need you and meera. Amos and Nicholas are barely there for me but i know if i relli need them...i will be able to find them...Meera is so far away and she will be back soon...i need you both my very good frens. i am already at my weakest i am almost losing my will to live. i dunno what on earth i am living for. it seems like i have seen too much in such little time. in a few months time i might be leaving for canada and i dunno when i will be back. will the distance make me lose my close frens? i am so scared of everything that is about to come...on the verge of breaking down already. can someone please guide me... i am losing it...i am losing myself...i need to find me back... how i can do that...i do not know yet...maybe i need some time by myself.

Ups and Downs

2006-10-05T11:43:00.000-07:00

There has been so many things happenin...i have no idea what the hell is goin on...what am i doin wif my life??? all i noe is to not fully trust anione....but i have fallen into that trap again...it is true..love makes you a blinded fool...love is nuthin but a lie...life is relli a stage in which i hafta keep acting and it is tiring mi out...i wanna take my revenge on the fucker who caused my fren to lose his life...i wanna love and pamper the one i like...to protect him i agreed to be sumone else's gf...why am i sacrificing myself so much? i am lost once again...is it so hard for mi to find sumone who can just simply spend time wif mi and just talk to mi? that is all i ask for...i do not want material things...money can be earned anywhere and everywhere...qian shi wan neng de bu shi quan neng de..with money you can do many things but you can never buy love. I feel so betrayed and used...but what do i noe? i wanna cut myself off from everything and everyone...but i am scared to be alone...i just wanna be numb and live life simply...I wanna be truly happy not acting happy when i feel like shit inside. can anione actually save me? can anyone actually help me? so now i am technically attached to someone i dun even like...not that i dun like him but i just dun have that kinda feelin for him...is just so i can save the one i like from sumthing...seriously i can be such a fool...so my ex is now married...i am talkin to his wife on msn...i am plotting my revenge...so many things so little time...i dun want my ex no more cos i found out more things...why can;t i just have the one i love? i dun care if he cannot support me...is ok...i just want that feeling back...the feeling i took so long to find...i am there to console everyone...but is anyone there for mi? all they care abt is their own life...their bfs...whatever they wanna do...i thot for a moment my heart of stone has finally soften to have feelings but guess it has gone hard again...emotionless...it will oni soften for one person...i hafta stay strong for everyone...i cannot be weak at all...but i am human too...i am so drained...so tired...not physically...but emotionally and mentally...i need to just forget everythin if possible...lemme lead my life in peace...

why do people betray me???

2006-09-28T13:21:00.000-07:00

it has been a long time since i blogged i have so manythings goin on in my life now...fuck around? yes i do...but now i have stopped...why?? cos i have found someone which i can love but i do not noe if he loves mi...i have told many people that i prefer to love than be loved and they say i am stupid...but what am i to do?? i told a very good fren of mine that i liked this guy but instead of helping mi..she went after him herself..i was so pissed i did the stupidest thing possible...i got high and i did not the what the fuck i was doin...i relli miss my ex...i love him so much...but what can i do now that he is married?? am i fated not to find "the one"???? i lost the one i love 2ice and i have already given up...what am i to do? why does eeryone treat me nicely only when they need something?? why am i alwez there for people but people are neva there for mi??? what the hell did i do wrong? am i born to be used? i am fucking high and pissed and confused...guess i shall go and slp...hopefully i will foeget everything...

goals...hmmm...

2006-07-02T15:06:00.000-07:00

it has been ages since i blogged again despite the fact that i blogged after my bdae...i have set certain goals for myself hoping that they will come true...seriously...what am i doin with my life..i do not know..i only know that i m thinking of ways and means to make money....so that i can retire and slow down by forty...it has been two months and my stuff for my freelance has not been done up..gotta get them done real soon...at least before meera comes back so that i can get it outta the way so i can spend more time wif my darlin meera...talking about that, meera will be back on the 10th of july..i am counting down til the day she comes back..gonna stay over at her house and spend loads of time wif her catching up, bitching and gossiping...it has been a real long time...

well nicole and dw finally talked about the issue and as usual...i am right...yay mi...got me thinking...meera has mick, serene has matt, nicole has dw and who so i have? hmm...i had what i wanted but it has all been taken away from mi...decided to stay single and adopt if i have to... i noe sounds stupid but i mean...i was so prepared for married life but now...the thought f a new relationship can send mi sprinting...and we all noe i cannot sprint to save my life....

only one good thing happened to mi in the past week...ok 2...one is i am gonna have one or 2 people who are gonna support mi by buying stuff from mi...and the the other would be that i met this really cute guy...nice..caring and stuuff...but oh well..attached...kns...bopian la...not my luck la..well at least we are frens... it is like 6+ in the mornin and my eyes are closin...gotta get some slp..nitez

BAck...

2006-06-17T10:36:00.000-07:00

been like 2 mths since i last blogged...well...had my reasons bah...but mainly i was too freaking lazy to do anything. well..the last time i said i was supposed to quit clubbin...that neva happened...i still go for mambo night on weds cos now not onli do i go there for nicole but cos of the grp in the company i am in..life is good...i am happy workin...setting up my own freelance...relief teaching...coordinating...life is just full of ups and downs and i m trying to find a solution in which i do not get myself hurt ever again...and i have finally found a solution...i have met a few nice people along the way and i am still wondering if any of them are making use of me...i happen to like sumone now...but i realise others are treating me better...but then again...my heart belongs to onli one person...that will neva change and as nicole says..i m letting my fear develop into a phobia and i cannot help it...hopefully everythin will fall into place and my final decision will make me happy...

I had a great birthday with my good frens around...thanks to my dear mei mei for the pendant, Mark's gf Danelle for the bouquet of lilies, Candy and Ronald and Collin for the bouquet of roses, Allan Jo and Wawa for the box of sweets and Mp3 player, Ken and Cathy for the alchohol...was a happy week...whole week i got to see sumone...oh well...after bdae liao...now fallin sick again...feel it comin on man..i can die...gonna end here and die for a bit...

Gotta quit partying for a bit....

2006-04-22T13:57:00.000-07:00

Feeling as sick as a dog and that is neva a good thing...was feeling unwell on wed but still went down to boat quay to find my frens before i went mambo...got to meet my ex-boss' nephew Norman and his fren Tyler...pretty cool guys but kinda weird in a way...had dinner at golden cafe...while waiting...i was havin a dilemma of whether i should go to the ladies as Mr D was sitting at a table that was in my path of gettin to me destination...i decided to just walk past him and sorta ignore him...well..that did not work out as planned cos he actually remembered my name and called me...promised i would talk to him after returning my call to nature and went back to his table...we chatted for a while in which i invited him to my bdae...such a small lil thingy and it made mi happy...he said he was gonna go mambo in a month's time as he had to settle his business first...heex *grinz* went back to my table and had my dinner..after which we went to triumph to play some pool and then headed down to hooters at clarke quay...hung out for a but before i headed down to mambo...had an ok time there since i was feelin shitty...

Thursday i went to do some photography for my mum and was sabotaged by my dad to stay back and help her with the keying in of the marks and the stapling...damn shag man...mummy decided to bribe mi to go on friday as well by offerin mi 50 bucks...well she is my mum..can i say no? aniwaez...after that...we went to amk to pick up my dad's glasses and my pair of grey contacts..yay mi...i also got a pair of nice CK ski shades...damn cool...love em...

Friday went down to mum's skool again and got stuck there...after which we went home and mummy crashed almost immediately and went off to lala land...dad came home and we had dinner...then i headed for bed cos i was feelin too sick to do anythin else...

Today...i went down to bq to meet my frens and as usual..i paid for dinner and guess what...Miss M conveniently had a free dinner as usual...i am now wondering if the shoes she got recently is gonna be paid off slowly or is she gonna conveniently take it as a present...i mean come on if you dun have the cash then dun get it no matter how much you want it...really turns mi off seriously...so much for not depending on guys and thinking she owns everythings...sheesh...now i have second thoughts of people who own expensive shoes and wallets...hmm...well aniwae...spoke to dennis for a bit and gave him his invite...then went down to dblo to meet the mambo people and then headed down to Mos...OMG i am so not gonna go back to MOS i can die...the retro totally sucked and trance was so.......so....how do i put it...mono??? i mean they all sound the same after a while...RnB was good but damn packed la..one thing i must say is that i love the decor...much better than zouk in that area...well at least i can say i have been to MOS...and i dun hate it but i dun love it either...hung out with yori who did some magic for mi to see...met a frenn from a pub i frequent and had a few drinks before i headed home...now feelin worse than ever..i think i need a sedative...i wanna die man...and i am plannin to make breakfast in the mornin if i can even get up...hopefully i can...cheerios

Unlimited Rest, partying and booze

2006-04-17T00:56:00.000-07:00

It has been almost a week that i have quit my job..yayz...the hours are ridiculous and the pay is meagre i tell you...oh yeah...why i quit? well...firstly...i am made to work more than 44 hours a week...to be exact, i am working 62 hours a week...not that i mind..is just that is becos of the pay...like what the hell..we dun even have a basic salary man...and they come up wif shit like if ya late you gotta pay 10 bucks up front...like hell la..oh yeah and the 3 new policies...if you it in the make up room, half commission gone...if you dun pose wif ya client, half commission and if you dun break pact more than 20 mins, half commission gone...technically aren't we gonna have to pay them for giving us a job? screwed up la..so i sorta walked out of the office...went to meet my frens at dhoby ghaut and had my nails done...went back to boat quay and hung til my frens came down from the office complaining as usual...after we had supper..we went to michelle's place to jam...not that i can play anything besides my vocal chords...

Wednesday..went to boat quay to meet my people again..and coincidentally met elijah and leland...as promised i went to find chanel at waiting bar and had a jug of beer there before i scooted off to zouk...had fun there...met the usual people ...gerald..zhikai...andrew...nicole...kes...jason..nigel...after that, elijah and leland came down and when mambo ended...we went to shell..after which...took a cab hme with elijah...Thurs mornin my genius of a mum called screaming into the phone that she broke her shoe...had to rush down to pass her a pair of shoes...LOL..she was sliding ard the damn staffroom in a pair of oversized slippers....she does not know how to use slippers so...shuffling ard was the best she could do...

Friday...good friday...most of my frenz went to church...and it was mummy's bdae...was suppose to bring her out shoppin...but she and dad had slight tummy problems..so they decided to rest...i was all changed and ready to head out...so i went downstair for a smoke wif my neighboure...Jeanie..she stays on the floor below me...been a long time since we hung out...we just went to cheers and then just sat at the void deck and chatted about everything under the sun...about the fact that we had the same bf before and stuff...it was kinda funny..she was sorta complaining abt her bf...in which at times when pple start complaining abt bfs..i thank god i am not attached...went home at about six and headed out wif mum and dad...went to bugis junction's siam kitchen for dinner..was kuite good and then went around to do a lil shoppin...bought a black halter dress...and got mum a few things...after which we went home...

Saturday was a day to laze...got up at 1+ and went down for lunch with mum and went grocery shopping to cook chicken stew... got home and lazed a while and had to get ready to go out...dad sent mi to the mrt station but die to my laziness..i a took a cab down to boat quay instead...met wif a few of my colleagues...sat down fo a drink and short chat with william..a fren of mine hu is a liqour supplier...then allan and ken came and we had dinner before i rushed down to meet nicole...in shich i had to go to tiong bahru plaza to find her and mel...felt like a blardy light bulb but i am used to it already...then went to zouk for the 15th anniversary gala ball...interesting decor and performance..makes mi wanna go learn dance...see if nicole is interested..felt kinda under-dressed though...at abt 11+ after squeezing outta zouk, i went down to dblo to meet zhikai, andrew, allan and ken...found out a fren of mine was at obar and went down to find him...danced wif him for a while before returning to my frens at dblo...after everything ended..i shared a cab with joel and hung out at his place a while before heading home at 5...was super tired so i conked off and woke up oni at abt 3 on sunday...sunday was boring and monday was a damn lazy day for mi..lazed aound the whole blardy day...had shepherd's pie and cheesecake for lunch and we ordered canadian pizza for dinner..and now i am back to lazing and watching tv...gotta find sumthin to do soon before i go crazy...

One day away from Mambo...it was GOOD.....and bad..

2006-04-07T11:05:00.000-07:00

I have made kuite a few frens in my company and they are real nice people...so happened that i promised to go drinkin with them instead of goin mambo and i so did not break my promise...After work, i met a fren and we went to golden cafe to wait for the rest...kevin, michelle, warren and arvind came and after a while...Elijah's fren Leland joined us. His fren was workin in the pub next to golden cafe...is called waiting bar...so we went there...well..my colleagues did not like the place and decided to go sumwhere else...in the end, they went home..and to think i sacrifice mambo for the...haiz...aniwaez i stayed on and drank til like 3+ close to 4 and made a few new frens...was super happy cos i got to know sumone...heex...*blush* aniwaez the girls were nice and i promised to go back there on wed to drink before mambo.... and as for him...he mite be goin down to mambo wif mi one day...happy...then we went to Elijah's place and drank tequila til about 5 and i headed home...i actually went to work at 11 for training...amzed i could even get up..aniwaez...lack sleep and gotta catch up on it...sugar dreamz...

Life's a bitch and so am i

2006-03-28T09:31:00.000-08:00

It has been a months since i have blogged...life has been great...meeting new people...having fun...sloggin my life away... Eversince i March started...my life is like a a whirlwind...i dunno whether i am coming or going...I started workin at Naughty by Nature and it has sorta been hell...but it is a challenge to mi...meeting lotsa different kinds of people..making new friends...every monday is my offday and i spend it with parents and every wednesdays are mambo night at zouk for mi...the oni way i can destress until i find sumthin else to take over mambo. My job is all about looking good and posing...kinda fun and challenging...but my mind goes blank sometimes...i have high expectations of myself and am kinda happy that i have reached my goal of 5 deals for my first month at the company as i have already gotten ten deals. Other than that i still do accounts and coordinatin for my aunt, sales of health products, my own company work and this image consulting job..damn tiring...but for the sake of my future..i have no choice...talk about bf?? no time at all...dun even have time for flings at all...This month has been pretty interesting...having tried flaming lambhorghini and waterfall...killed mi but i survived surprisingly...actually had fun at double o and obar with zhenyi, roger, zhikai, andrew and i cannot rem who cos i was pretty high...24 hours is so not enuff for mi..so damn busy but still feel empty...kinda fucked up...but no choice...chose to live my life this way til sumone enters my life and maybe i will sacrifice a lil...but until that time comes..i should just work hard and work smart...25th may will be my TP...long way to go...but cannot wait to get licence...ahhahaha...hopefully will pass on first try...damn my eyelids are freakin heavy...gotta make my way to london paris and new york liao if ya noe what i mean....

Loved Ones....I will alwez be there for you no matter what

2006-02-27T13:00:00.000-08:00

Weekend and today were kuite eventful...saturday i went back to my old school CHIJ Secondary Toa Payoh to help my Auntie with some photography...MAN!!! it looks so much better than before and it looks so grand and white! I actually got lost in my own school...imagine that...i felt so damn stupid man. Well, one thing good is that they kept some of the staircases which makes mi not so lost...at least i remembered something. Now the technical block, Secondary school and Primary school are connected on the second floor...i think it is pretty cool and more convenient but that would mean that the little monkeys from the primary side can run over...LOLx...In the evening, my dear cousin Jaryl came over to stay cos he cannot stand his bro and his sis...they were supposed to stay with their father...but it was fun...we talked, watched movies and used the comp...or rather took turns on the comp...
Sunday, I had my driving lessons 31 and 32...The instructor was funny...he said my driving on the outside road was damn good...but inside the circuit...sama buang...but still can park and all that la...and it was then i learnt that this olf foggy that taught me directional change and verticle parking was a dumb ass...stupid old woohoo...make mi feel stupid man. When i got home...the lil monkey of a cousin was still at my place...dropped him home at 5.30 and went out with my parents. We went to heartland mall and mummy finally got her darling black V3 and she passed her used silver V3 to my dad...lol..he alwez gets the second hands...poor man...oh well..that's what guys are for i presume. Oh yes he got something firsthand...a bluetooth earpiece which he had no idea how to use...ahahaha. When we left heartland mall, I saw my ex, Alvin...oh man my heart skipped a beat and i couldn't breathe...i was like stuck in some time warp for a moment...he still looks the same...emotions started to run and the feeling just rushed back to my heart...i was babbling nonsense to my mum and she thought i was crazy..pretty obcious i still have feelings for him..opportunity knocked a second time and i didn't freaking open the door...now i am hoping for my third chance...hopefully i will remember to call him and not stand there like a fool. Well he is one of the 2 guys in my life that i truly loved and had that special feelin for. So i guess if i see Zhida i will get that feelin too...but i hope i wun see him...With that irritating feeling i had in my heart, we went to chomg pang and daddy bought mi a bluetooth earpiece too..heex..sooo happy...On the way home i recieved an sms from jack, a good fren and junior of mine...so i went down to star pub t outram to accompany him...drank, sang and played some dice game...first time i drink so much beer...left the place at 12.30 and went home to do some work...feeling high and goin work is one of the worst combinations...bleahz...but finished and sent over to my client...happiness...
Today...recieved email from client sayin that 3 out of 4 pages needed some altering and i did not put in the correct pics...blardy hell...the pics weren't even sent to me and i was working with whateva i had on hand la..stupid..and they want it printed by the 7th of march..like what the hell...din relli bother...so i went over to Jack's place to chill...after that went compass point and had coffee. Aniwae Jack, you'll be fine...Your frens and I will be by your side and you noe how you can reach me...and prepare yaself to do work and get some credits...After that i left to meet my exbf's frens at tampines old road and then went to Yizhan's house to chill...a few people whom i neva met appeared...Defeng, Jianyi, Ah Fu and Shi Hong were there...had a fun time and borrowed VCDs...ahahaha...stupid Yizhan was saying that maybe one day i will see zhida when i go and find him at tampines old road...told him to promise mi never to let that happen and all he said was " Got free show how can i not watch?" irritating...aniwae..is ok...at least i know i have class and that slut doesn't, i have a career and she doesn't..what does she have that i dun?? hmm..oh yah...something called a big tummy also known as a baby...oh well..she is devil's representative sent down to punish pple..psycho bitch...aniwaez, i left at 11.30 to come home to get the blardy newsletter done and sent it to the client...yippeee!! finally...hope she is satisfied or i'll kill myself...pretty shag now...gonna get some sleep...

P.S. Mei...you'll be fine ok..i promise...i will alwez be here for you, to help you, to hold you and to guide you. Thanks for everything.

What a good week...

2006-02-24T12:49:00.000-08:00

Sorta had a good week despite my horrible driving on monday...damn i almost killed my instructor..he was in total shock man...i was totally reckless and wasn't concentrating at all...got stuck at lesson 30 so did the same thing the next day...but finally passed lesson 30..yay mi! my vertical parkin totally sucked man...need to brush up on that..ooh went for an interview as an image consultant and i got the job...thanks kevin for sending mi there or i would have been late...

Finally wed came...yay..mambo nite...my sanctuary...i can forget abt everything...before that i met up wif my exbf's frens..it was sorta weird cos everytime i was wif them in the past was becos of my ex but oh well..it was fun hanging out...gossiped and found out abt a lot of stuff...after that went to pick serene up from conrad cos that silly gal got lost and we headed down to zouk...at zouk, our dear fren serene went off wif her bf and so i was left to mamboing wif kes and jeremy..then joined leo and michelle..i was jumpin from platform to platform...saw a few cute guys..heex...nicole left earlier god knows why but she left and i stayed on..after that went to shell as usual and i had my noodles...after that kevin sent mi home..thank you once again...Thurs was driving again...it was alrite...and today i finally got to drive an auto car...yippee...damn nice damn easy and damn relaxing...made my parking so easy...aniwaez..spoke wif my long lost fren alan and decided to go watch "i not stupid 2" on monday and maybe ktv on wed instead of mambo...oh well..good to spend time wif frens...and my father finally got the idea that i will disappear to zouk every weds and he has given the green light...yay!! super happy day for mi today..haiz...tmr got photography to do..sians and i gota get down to doin some work now..at 5 am in the morning...due at 12 pm...sickening man...time to slog...

Lying alone in my bed thinking...

2006-02-20T11:24:00.000-08:00

Just lying here and thinking...i am a changed person...i no longer believe in a love...a part of mi has been lost..all i can think of is my career..my licence...i lost a few of my frens along the way...it is all different...i feel so numb...that empty hollow feeling is so blardy annoying it kills mi at times...no one to hold on to..no way of feelin loved...it all feels like a staged act..even goin to mambo...the happiness oni lasts for that few hours and i am back to my lonely world...in front of others i appear to be happy and carefree but i am all torn up inside..my heart is not where it used to be..or at least i dun feel so...lookin at myself in the mirror...i dun even noe who i am..i dun recognise that apparently happy person...it is all a facade..so fake...who am i really...i need to find the real mi...i have crushes on people...little happiness comes from that...just to take up my time and the empty spaces in my mind...this sounds like a stupid entry but i just gotta let some things out before i explode...how can i not think about the one i truly loved? even though i hate him so much...it was love..true love and romance...no one noes what goes on behind besides mi...he'll alwez have a place in my heart..sometimes i wish i could have him in my arms once again...but i noe it is impossible so i hafta move on.....

Quoted from songs: "I was dying inside to hold you..." "I know I'll never love this way again..."

Past, Present and Future...in my face

2006-02-19T12:52:00.000-08:00

On thursday night i caught up with my exbf's fren as he was apparently abt to kill mi for thinking that they hated mi for some stupid reason..so i made a surprise call to him and boy was he happy to hear from me. he up dated mi on a lot of stuff like my ex is gettin married cos he got his gf pregnant...and he does not love her...he wanted to whack her a couple of times...all his frens are not intending to attend his weddin as they hate her as she is kuite fucked up...that he treats her totally differently from how he treated mi in the past. Learned that while we were together he actually flirted around..i swear i feel xtremely dumb but what the heck we are so over and done with...pissed mi off...gonna meet up with the guys soon...

On friday due to the whole bad mood shit..i went clubbin wif my frens at zouk...phuture rather..before that i went to this company called enyouth to see what it is about and it din seem that bad..maybe i will try it out..the guy who spoke seemed relli nice..i mean after all he had his past and it suits mi just fine...but he talked damn long man...wanted to die..after that just spoke wif a few of them downstairs and rushed off to zouk. My nice mambo fren Gerald signed mi in..yay gerald! and then went phuture wif my ex classmate...had a vodka redbull and a flaming lambhorgini...damn that killed mi man..i was so drunk..after dancing for a bit...din feel that good so i left wif my cousin whom i have not met in a long time to shell for some food...his blardy cars breaks were not workin man...walao..can die..After that my fren picked mi up and spent the night with him...

Saturday was spent lazing at home then another mambo fren, kevin ask mi go dblo...not exactly my fav place so decided to head down for a while...before that i met my good fren Zhi at serangoon gardens and we just went to liquid kitcen to catch up on old times..it felt good...i actually missed her..i dunno if she felt the same way..glad that she is happy...we then went to chomp chomp to get her chicken wings and then walked to her place..she was nice to walk mi out to get a cab. I then went down to dblo to meet kevin and coincidentally i saw 2 other mambo frens in the queue leo and lebon..nice guys...wen went in..stood ard for a while then we went to dance...ahaha on platform again sia...and they played retro altho they plaed some techno in between..it illed mi but i survived...that blardy dj should just keep his mouth shut and play the songs man...so noisy lor he.. hung out wif leo and lebon the whole night before i left at around 1.45am. Saw anther 2 mambo frens there too...so funny...well after all it is retro..enjoyed myself..glad to have made these few new frens...

Sunday.. a day to laze..woke up at like 3...after all...i dun rem having clubbed wed fri and sat in a week...the drinking left my mouth and my tongue totally dead...went to jurong point for dinner wif my parents...dunno y my crazy father wanna go so far...ok la..that place not bad..a lot of shops...but damn freakin far la..came home and then brought my dog down and met a fren...haiz...dunno whether i am ready to accept someone new in my life...gonna slp on it...after all he is a nice guy...oh well..gotta catch a few ZZzzzs before rushin my project tmr.

Friends come and go...treasure them as they play an important role in your life...

you just never know...

Ooh...long time no blog...

2006-02-16T12:32:00.000-08:00

so...it has been hell of a long time since i have blogged...just too darn lazy even tho many things have been happenin..hokay...so there was the camp i actually went to to help with the photography...funny thing was that Nicole, Zhi and I were together at the same camp..felt like old times and it actually felt good...was called ah lian by a few instructors...made new friends and made a fool of myself...the 2 main stupid thing that happened were real bad despite the fact that i blended in with the students real well due to my height. One: i said that you hafta go through woodlands if you were goin to bukit batok from clementi...and secondly...Miss Nicole dropped me from the hammock...literally...what a blardy rude awakening man...and yes gal i noe this was some time ago...

Then there are the wednesdays where Nicole and I go to mambo at zouk...real fun..made friends there too...thank goodness for Nicole and Mambo..if not i would have gone crazy...you noe what i mean gal...Meera and I hung out a lot...mostly at liquid kitchen...that woman loves that place...the choc fondue is good...but damn sinful...I actually found an old time fren...lost contact for god knows how many donkey years and i found him...woohoo...caught up abt old times and had our laughs...and now i realise i happen to know his friends. Nice people are comin into my life and i am relli glad to know them...had mahjong session at nicole's place and fell aslp...oops...my bad...and practically had fun rest of the week.

So it all boils down to this week...pretty sad week actually...Meera left on Monday..13 Feb...i miss her big time...dunno how i am gonna live wifout her...Tuesday was V-day..was supposed to spend it wif Miss Nicole but she fly my aeroplane...so spent it wif another good fren Serene...went shopping for her bf's prezzie and then went for dinner at CHIJMES...A friend picked mi up from CHIJMES and we went rounding...oooh...i found out there was a carpark in east coast where people do it in their cars...fascinating...I was amazed...LOL...Wed...well was suppose to go mambo wif Nicole but went alone instead...it was fun actually...ad Gerald, Zhikai and Kes...not forgettin Michelle, Alan and Ken...thank gawd they were there..heex..Thursday..day to rest except for driving...finally finished lesson 28...6 more lessons to go before TP..yay...cannot wait to get licence. Came home and was online...spoke to my exbf's frens and called one of them on the fone...we spoke and i found out loads of shit...doesn't matter now but i feel sad for my dog lucky...he is being tortured. I might resort to callin the SPCA...seriously...i dun relli care i just want my baby Lucky to be safe and well..I am relli sorry for leaving you...I love you my little puppy...alwez be my baby boy...

Well over all...it is good to get back old friends and meet new ones...Happy you guys walked into my life...Love ya all...Cheers

Lamp Post of the week...MOI!!! LOL

2006-01-17T07:23:00.000-08:00

With regards to the title..yes i was a lamp post, and considerably playing gooseberry...not a very nice role to play...tuesday...met up with meera n nic n her bf... shopped a lil...got my leather wrist thingy n a belt...love 'em...then went to balcony....nice place...comfortable...a place to laze...jay and nic make a cute couple...while meera was counting down to the time mick was gonna arrive in singapore...well at least i had meera for company...nic and jay then left at 6 and meera and i were left to do whateva we wanted to do...we walked ard for a bit and then called it a day as we were meeting the following day. The next day i met up with meera and her loverboy at balcony again...feeling like super big and bright lamp post but it was ok...besides the fact that i was trying just close my eyes a while so that they could be lovey dovey...waiting for nic to come as jay was supposedly goin back to camp...when she came, i wanted to die cos now i was a big big bright bright lamp post with 2 love birds...felt damn lonely man..but oh well..i will survive...we had dinner and then left for mick's hotel...we bummed for a while...i slept...and then we headed to zouk...mambo night...damn it was damn empty due to the rain but fun all the same...had fun wif mick and meera luffin...glad they enjoyed themselves...thursday, stayed at home to bake and chatted wif meera on the fone...friday was another day of baking...saturday came...met up wif meera, mick and alden for dinner at thai express and then headed for ONE at one fullerton...place was not bad...nice music...good company..but sumthin was just not right...din feel the groove altho i was dancing wif a new fren i made there...Janna..she was nice...after that headed home for a good rest...Don called..she was worried..but oh well..felt bad that i din go and meet her even tho i was out...sunday was baking day...mon i had an interview at the zoo an got to carry a baby monke...so cute...fell aslp in my arms..well..chatted wif an online fren..Deron...real nice guy..we shared a lot of things and we had a lot of things in common..sweet guy too...hopefully we'll meet up soon...haiz...so many pple to meet up man...Arnold was msnin mi abt meetin up too and i hafta catch up with Janson soon...a special fren...chatted again wif Deron til now and have a lot of things planned for the week...no mambo though...Science centre with mum's class tmr..better catch a few ZZZzzzs... nitez...sweet dreams to all

On the road to recovery

2006-01-07T06:12:00.000-08:00

Haven't been bloggin these few days...feelin sick and terribly drained....din go for mambo..instead i actually stayed at home and went for interviews in the afternoon...so sian man...some shigt advertising thing..well it sounded interestin so i decided to just give it a shot and the other was some recruit express thingy. then went home to crash before goin for two driving lessons starting from 6.55...tiring man...as good as driving to malacca...3 hours str8...with a 15 min break in between...thank goodness i decided not to go for mambo...my legs were like jelly at the end of the day.

Thursday i had to go for some short training...then i went to amoy st to have lunch with meera and her colleague...when they were leaving...i met another fren by chance and we went for coffee...then i went to town to meet another fren...walked around for a bit and then met meera again for dinner...we went o sakae as per normal...and we had our usual dishes...only person missing was nicole:( so sad...poor gal was workin. oh well...we will go together again one day...meera was freakin out la...but we settled everything...

Friday was hell la...went to work and it sucked...i left halfway and went wif this gal i just met to far east...in hopes of finding a part time job there...can die la..we hung out for a while before i left for home. Meera calls mi in the middle of the nite freaking out again...had to reassure her before she could head to bed. Was so busy wif the phone man..after her call..another fren called to ask mi to go over to his place in the morn...an then another fren called ard 3+ am...man i was busy...but i watched maid in manhattan and it was sooo sweet....

Saturday...today...was suppose to work but told them that i am on mc..LOL...what an embarrassing job la..would rather work at a pub in geylang anytime...that is how bad it is...went to find my fren at his place and then went to town to meet meera for lunch and did a lil shoppin wif her...she got some stuff from topshop while i was trying this dress which was nice but looked real cheap..so decided not to get it...

Hmm what shall i do tmr...besides lazin ard...oh yeah...meera's boy is comin...so excited...first time we all get to meet the person who has been keepin our fren away from us...and the person who is the cause of her whining...ahahaha...oh well...he'll be here on tuesday... gonna go relax for a bit and continue tmr...

Phrase of the week: Black and gay

Cheerios

Movies and the actual world

2006-01-03T12:16:00.000-08:00

it has been a great day hanging out with Nicole and Meera...We were at liquid kitchen just chillin and talkin abt stuff...amazing how we used to talk about innocent topics like dolls..to fashion and then to the thngs we talk about today...or rather these days...I am so happy for them...being happily attached and being with the one they love...I am happy that i have regained my freedom..but the emptiness would not go away..reaching home...watching The 40 year old virgin...it actually got me thinking...what the hell am i doin with my life...???? Yes i wanna build up my career but havin no one by my side to enjoy it with kinda sucks... Being interested in the film industry...i know that movies are actually directors ways of putting a message across and this time i think i actually got the message despite it bein a comedy. I have lost kuite a bit these past 3 years and have gain some...but it kinda hurts when sit down to think about it. My ex was the one i truly loved and I wanna get that feelin back again but it seems to be lost...i seem to have lost my ability to feel. All i can feel is xtreme pain and xtreme happiness but nuthin in between..i wanna settle down but with whom? and when? maybe 50 years from now?? i dun relli know. Thinkin about gettin back with him is impossible..he is not the person i once knew..full body tattoos...no way...havin cheated on mi...i might take it but the trust just ain't there...it is over... i miss everythin that was once love...but guess those t 3 years was my time and now it is over. Guess it is back to work and friends...that is all i have left and that might be all the love i have left to give... it was a real emotional setback... it is not becos of it or anythin else but maybe to save myself from crap again i have finally chosen my path... i have to make a decision...Meera and Nicole...I am sorry...but i had to choose this path...you noe what it is... ain't gonna be str8 no more... gonna go back to bein a les...

Happy for you two... thanks for sorta helpin mi sort things out...Love ya

Just thinking

2006-01-02T11:15:00.000-08:00

Meera was supposed to come over today but she couldn't make it...we talked on the phone though...real happe for her...Mick is comin over in about a week's time. Spent some time just thinking about my life. I realise that whatever i had been through has made me a stronger person and it has helped me to help others. The betrayal...The emotional and physical scars that i have collected along the way which time has not healed it much. Even though it was a painful ordeal...it was worth it...sometimes i just hafta learn things the hard way.

Altho i am now like a bird which has been released from it's cage...i am now like a stray puppy...i m a wild dog in search for love and security...i do not have a collar like all tamed ones...i can feel the love and care...but i dun like to be strangled...dun try to put a rope round my neck without a collar...it just strangles me and i will tend to fight back...instead of being thankful...i might actually attack...the past 3 months have been great...but i think it is time i settled down...dun wanna be so wild no more...the attention is great...but i m tired...i dunno why or from what...but i m just so tired...I have so many people around mi...but the loneliness and emptiness i feel will never go away...

Nic, Meera and Zhi...i noe you are gonna kill me...but i hafta say that no matter how much that bastard has hurt mi...i still love him...it is just a feelin no one would ever understand...it was wif him that i felt safe..i dunno y...but i noe it is impossible btw us..as you know what he has done to himself...will i ever find that feelin again? or will i just live for the sake of living so as not to disappoint my frens and family...to love and not be loved? why the hell am i so emo tonite? weird...but i suppose some things can only be written and not said out loud.

Start of a new year...

2006-01-01T09:40:00.000-08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR everyone... it is finally 2006...we can forget all the bad things that have happened in the past year and start on a clean slate. A few good things have happened in 2005 leading to 2006...and i am pretty happy they happened. A few people have entered my life..some re-entries and one major good-bye. NYE was awesome...went to mambo jambo at the expo for countdown with one of my very good frens...also known as my sis...Nicole and her bf Jay...and a few friends like Kes, Dawei, Eric and Kevin. Nicole's cousin and his gf was there too..small world...she was MY cousin's ex gf...glad she found a better guy altho he happens to have the same name..heehee. Too bad Meera had to attend a dinner and she is not that fond of mambo...will make it up to her by spending more time with her...andher bf when he comes...Reading whateva i just wrote...everyone seems to be attached but mi...hmm..of well..enjoying my new found freedom after being caged up like a bird for the past 3 years. Well it has been an eventful December 2005 and i had better get my butt down to do more work and clinch more deals...New Year's Resolution...will be these few bah...

1) Spend more time with friends
2) Spend more time with family
3) Save more money
4) Keep my room neat
5) Smoke less
6) Control my temper
7) Clinch more deals and keep the money rollin in

That's abt it til i think of more...Loving all who are in my life now...esp Nic and Meera...Hugz and Kisses...